I think I died a long time ago.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
