So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
