she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
jump out the window naked night went bad
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