I'm eating all of the evidence.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
