I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just tell him i said nine months
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I color on your dick again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
