I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
