Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
