we made out on top of his cat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
