so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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