there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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