i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
