You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We left the knife in your bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
