So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
