Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
