worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
