Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
