look no pants
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
