cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
