my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
