i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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