i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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