i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
