guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
