All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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