I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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