Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
