Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
