Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
