I think my fart just growled at me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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