I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
