I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
