Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
