i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
