So drunk its hurt
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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