laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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