so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
