is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
