All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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