Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
