1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
