I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
