so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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