Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
