dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
