Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
