Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
