I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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