I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
