Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
