Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
