your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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