So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
