I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
