Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
