I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
