I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
