im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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