If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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