I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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